Hey Robi,
It's great to hear from you! Glad to hear you are still doing well over there. That really seems like an interesting experience too, even if it is a bit isolating. I've never really taught anybody anything significant in a class setting, and I wonder what that is like? You must enjoy it though, to be going into education! My sister wants to be a teacher too...maybe your paths will cross someday :P
I know excactly what you are talking about when you say you got worried about your family, even though you knew they were fine. Last year, in April, I hadn't seen my family since July and sudden, I just got terrified that somebody was going to die and I would never see them again. I knew it was crazy, but i couldn't shake it! I had to go home! The feeling of being away, yah it's exciting but it's also terrible, to be so far from everybody. I've become more of a homebody too. I mean, I know that I still want to go away, maybe even to live, but now I can also see the value of living in Courtenay, and I will always visit. Family is so important. On the other hand, it is good for us to experience other places, and who knows maybe we wouldn't realize these things without leaving and learning about missing everybody!
My sister is going to Norway for 2 months in April, and it will be the first time for her to be away that long. Her and her boyfriend have been dating for three years, and it's their first time being apart like that too. I think it will be good for her for a million different reasons. At the same time, my heart really goes out to her because I'm not at all sure she realizes how hard that will probably be.
Speaking of boyfriends...
I have one! I really wasn't looking for one. Basically, I had decided that there was just no point because guys all turned out to be assholes anyways and I thought my self esteem couldn't take any more bullshit.
Buttt.....
It seems like as soon as you give up, you find what you wanted all along. I should have given up a long time ago! :P I made this friend at college, Nigel, who I may have told you about before, I can't remember. Anyways, we really were just friends. We would always talk about philosophy, because we were in Ethics and Philosophy of Love and Sex together (what a way to meet someone right). I think it was such a relief for both of us to meet each other, because we are both interested in things that most people don't talk about, and I dunno, I don't really know how to say it other than we talk to each other much more deeply than with other people. We are both living back with our parents after being away and both of us want to try to find a way to live other than capitalism and I dunno, there are many unusual things that both of us have in common.
So we used to be friends and hang out pretty much every day, for months. It became so that I think both of us were really attracted to each other though, and eventually we had to talk about it. It took a while for us to start dating, and at first it was really weird because we weren't used to flirting with each other and we like hardly ever kissed each other and stuff because it was just like, we weren't used to being like that with each other!
We've figured it out by now though lol.
Anyways, I think that we are really what each other wanted in so many ways. He really values me for me and isn't just all about sex or anything. And I like so many things about him, like he's smart, but he also is a very caring person and dependable and really not a jerk. We've been dating for a month now, and we're still getting used to it and taking things slow. Which I think is really good, because we want to trust each other, and really, we are still getting to know each other. There is no rush.
I mean, it's not like everything is always perfect. I mean, I know myself that I am a really hard person to date because I am so bad at talking about my feelings and I really go nuts in relationships because I'm so scared of everything. Nigel is a very steady person, in that he doesn't get worked up easily, thank God, and I think that since we were friends first, we know each other well enough that stuff is just ok, as in we are continuing and things don't get blown out of proportion. It's not like some sudden relationship where if something makes you mad, you just end it.
Nigel is really a great guy. I am so glad we met each other. I mean, I honestly didn't want to be in a relationship.. I avoided it as long as I could!
At the same time, Nigel and I want similar things and there is no reason why I can't do the things I wanted to do before because I am in a relationship. Also, I think Nigel and I can really help each other grow in a lot of ways because we care about each other, and that is really important.
Anyways, I feel really good about this, and I think Nigel is the right person for me to be with and I am really looking forward to getting to know him better and seeing where things go from here...
Can you tell I'm trying not to jinx it? Also, that I am in that phase where I just want to ramble on about him because I like thinking about him so much? Lol.
Other than that, things are pretty uneventful around here. I also don't have much of a social life, and that's fine. I'm still taking some classes at college and I'm really enjoying them. I've been working on my writing too, and I feel that that is also improving, horray! I'm still living with my dad, but hopefully that will be changing soon. My job still is bad, but I'm looking for another one...as usual lol.
I'm feeling a bit less directionless. I think I've figured out that what I want to be is a writer, and I've also started to realize that actually I'm a pretty smart person and I can find a way to use that. It's just not going to be down a conventional path. I've really got no idea what I want to do after April. Nigel and I, when we started dating, both said basically, well we've got until April to figure it out, and things are wide open from there. We both meant it. That's basically how I've been thinking. Until April, I am figuring things out. I didn't want to rush anything. Nigel had that in mind too. And then, who knows. There are tons of options.
Anyways, that's basically an update from this end! I never would have guessed this happening, but there you go! I am happy, and I am so glad to finally feel more on track. Not that I think there is actually a track for me to be on, but I do feel that I am living in a way that is more true to myself than I have recently. For example, I don't really like being intoxicated very often, so I've mostly stopped drinking and smoking, and I like being alone a lot of the time even if it isn't cool, and I like reading for college and I like that Nigel and I haven't had sex yet even though we've been dating for a month (I think it's gonna happen soon though, don't get me wrong, I want it to happen, just I want us both to be ready first). I like so many things about my life that are so uncool, and I like that I am finally accepting that that is how I want to live, at least for the time being. Before I was always so concerned with doing things right, but now I'm not really worried about it.
Anyways, I guess not a whole lot of exciting stuff has happened with me, but oh well :)
It was super nice to hear from you, and I'm glad you're doing well over there. I think university is a good idea, too, even though I also think doing other things is a good idea...haha, I think anything that seems right and will be enjoyable and teach you stuff is a good idea.
There is one good guy I know from Corner Brook. I don't really think he is your type, but he's a super nice guy I went to uni with last year, named Kerry Martin. Yah, he described the place as a bit of a shit show though, but he loved it. He even had a tatoo that represented it on his arm! It doesn't matter though. Whatever you find you find, I guess. I've been thinking about all the good and bad things about being in a relationship lately, since I didn't want to be in one and...well now I am in one lol, and I think that one isn't better than the other. Same with having a group of friends, actually, for me. Like, assuming that you have some kind of social life, like how you teach and I go to college/work, I mean, if you have good friends who you enjoy spending time with, of course that is better, but if you have friends that are manipulative or a bad influence or you feel you have to be fake around or whatever, that's worse. I mean, I think there is really no right or wrong thing to happen.
Anyways, I'm not even sure whether I'm making sense at this point. Anyways, I hope to hear from you soon and sorry for not answering your text, I just thought it would be better to post instead!
Also, that's super exciting that you're going to England! That will be so awesome. Haha, you will come back speaking the Queen's English and putting us all to shame :P
Happy new years to you too, I hope it will be a great one!
Love Edna.
I have one! I really wasn't looking for one. Basically, I had decided that there was just no point because guys all turned out to be assholes anyways and I thought my self esteem couldn't take any more bullshit.
Buttt.....
It seems like as soon as you give up, you find what you wanted all along. I should have given up a long time ago! :P I made this friend at college, Nigel, who I may have told you about before, I can't remember. Anyways, we really were just friends. We would always talk about philosophy, because we were in Ethics and Philosophy of Love and Sex together (what a way to meet someone right). I think it was such a relief for both of us to meet each other, because we are both interested in things that most people don't talk about, and I dunno, I don't really know how to say it other than we talk to each other much more deeply than with other people. We are both living back with our parents after being away and both of us want to try to find a way to live other than capitalism and I dunno, there are many unusual things that both of us have in common.
So we used to be friends and hang out pretty much every day, for months. It became so that I think both of us were really attracted to each other though, and eventually we had to talk about it. It took a while for us to start dating, and at first it was really weird because we weren't used to flirting with each other and we like hardly ever kissed each other and stuff because it was just like, we weren't used to being like that with each other!
We've figured it out by now though lol.
Anyways, I think that we are really what each other wanted in so many ways. He really values me for me and isn't just all about sex or anything. And I like so many things about him, like he's smart, but he also is a very caring person and dependable and really not a jerk. We've been dating for a month now, and we're still getting used to it and taking things slow. Which I think is really good, because we want to trust each other, and really, we are still getting to know each other. There is no rush.
I mean, it's not like everything is always perfect. I mean, I know myself that I am a really hard person to date because I am so bad at talking about my feelings and I really go nuts in relationships because I'm so scared of everything. Nigel is a very steady person, in that he doesn't get worked up easily, thank God, and I think that since we were friends first, we know each other well enough that stuff is just ok, as in we are continuing and things don't get blown out of proportion. It's not like some sudden relationship where if something makes you mad, you just end it.
Nigel is really a great guy. I am so glad we met each other. I mean, I honestly didn't want to be in a relationship.. I avoided it as long as I could!
At the same time, Nigel and I want similar things and there is no reason why I can't do the things I wanted to do before because I am in a relationship. Also, I think Nigel and I can really help each other grow in a lot of ways because we care about each other, and that is really important.
Anyways, I feel really good about this, and I think Nigel is the right person for me to be with and I am really looking forward to getting to know him better and seeing where things go from here...
Can you tell I'm trying not to jinx it? Also, that I am in that phase where I just want to ramble on about him because I like thinking about him so much? Lol.
Other than that, things are pretty uneventful around here. I also don't have much of a social life, and that's fine. I'm still taking some classes at college and I'm really enjoying them. I've been working on my writing too, and I feel that that is also improving, horray! I'm still living with my dad, but hopefully that will be changing soon. My job still is bad, but I'm looking for another one...as usual lol.
I'm feeling a bit less directionless. I think I've figured out that what I want to be is a writer, and I've also started to realize that actually I'm a pretty smart person and I can find a way to use that. It's just not going to be down a conventional path. I've really got no idea what I want to do after April. Nigel and I, when we started dating, both said basically, well we've got until April to figure it out, and things are wide open from there. We both meant it. That's basically how I've been thinking. Until April, I am figuring things out. I didn't want to rush anything. Nigel had that in mind too. And then, who knows. There are tons of options.
Anyways, that's basically an update from this end! I never would have guessed this happening, but there you go! I am happy, and I am so glad to finally feel more on track. Not that I think there is actually a track for me to be on, but I do feel that I am living in a way that is more true to myself than I have recently. For example, I don't really like being intoxicated very often, so I've mostly stopped drinking and smoking, and I like being alone a lot of the time even if it isn't cool, and I like reading for college and I like that Nigel and I haven't had sex yet even though we've been dating for a month (I think it's gonna happen soon though, don't get me wrong, I want it to happen, just I want us both to be ready first). I like so many things about my life that are so uncool, and I like that I am finally accepting that that is how I want to live, at least for the time being. Before I was always so concerned with doing things right, but now I'm not really worried about it.
Anyways, I guess not a whole lot of exciting stuff has happened with me, but oh well :)
It was super nice to hear from you, and I'm glad you're doing well over there. I think university is a good idea, too, even though I also think doing other things is a good idea...haha, I think anything that seems right and will be enjoyable and teach you stuff is a good idea.
There is one good guy I know from Corner Brook. I don't really think he is your type, but he's a super nice guy I went to uni with last year, named Kerry Martin. Yah, he described the place as a bit of a shit show though, but he loved it. He even had a tatoo that represented it on his arm! It doesn't matter though. Whatever you find you find, I guess. I've been thinking about all the good and bad things about being in a relationship lately, since I didn't want to be in one and...well now I am in one lol, and I think that one isn't better than the other. Same with having a group of friends, actually, for me. Like, assuming that you have some kind of social life, like how you teach and I go to college/work, I mean, if you have good friends who you enjoy spending time with, of course that is better, but if you have friends that are manipulative or a bad influence or you feel you have to be fake around or whatever, that's worse. I mean, I think there is really no right or wrong thing to happen.
Anyways, I'm not even sure whether I'm making sense at this point. Anyways, I hope to hear from you soon and sorry for not answering your text, I just thought it would be better to post instead!
Also, that's super exciting that you're going to England! That will be so awesome. Haha, you will come back speaking the Queen's English and putting us all to shame :P
Happy new years to you too, I hope it will be a great one!
Love Edna.
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