What to write about today...well, I'll just start typing and some thought or another will come out..
I just wrote a Psych exam. Oh god, not off to a very interesting start with this, but it was really quite infuriating. The questions made absolutely no sense. I think the teacher is illiterate, honestly. Like, I spent half my time in there just trying to figure out what the questions were asking, and even though I knew what I would say as the answer, my answers obviously depended on what the question was, so I feel it didn't so much reflect my knowledge of psychology so much as my ability to guess at the correct interpretation of that muddle of words he had put in place of a question.
Isn't this stuff not supposed to happen at psychology? I mean, trick questions are one things...grammatically incompetent science profs should not be allowed to write their own exams. Ugh!
And this is not a second language jab of any kind, I hope you are not thinking that...you have far superior English language skills to this guy, and he is from Nova Scotia!
Anyways, that really riled me, as I'm sure you can tell.
Thank God tomorrow is a holiday!
Hmm, what else? I dunno, I feel out of sorts lately. I'm getting super restless once again. It was bound to happen. I want to escape! I love it here, but I really just want to travel. Like, I want to have the challenge of getting from one place to another and figuring out what I need to do to survive there. Sounds dramatic...and it is, which is excactly why it is appealling! When I am here, I try at school because it is what I am here to be doing, but at the same time, I know this isn't what I want to do. Like, well it is. I mean, I still love Kings, and the people, and Aidan is awesome, etc. So out of any school, any single place even, this is where I would want to be. But I don't want to stay in one place! I want to drift and learn and experience and meet new people all the time...and I feel I am risking getting attatched to people here. Especially with Aidan. And it's sketching me out for some reason. Like, I don't want to get attatched to the people, because it will attatch me to a place. Does that make sense? At the same time, I don't want to be some heartless cold person who refuses to let anyone in. That is possibly and even more unappealling option. What is more important? I say I'm not making any decisions until I absolutely have to, and anything could happen between now and the end of the year, but that doesn't mean these things don't cross my mind.
Also, I have been frustrated with myself lately because I continue to refer to Courtenay as home, even though I don't consider it as my home. Like, I wouldn't say that I truly, truly think of Halifax as home yet...it hasn't been long enough for that, but it is my home. If that makes any sense. Courtenay, on the other hand, is somewhere I can't imagine I will ever live again, so why do I refer to it that way? I think it might just be because when I say Courtenay, people have no idea what I'm talking about. Maybe. But now people are starting to talk about going home for Christmas, whereas I am staying at Dal for a month. It just seems like a depressing option...altho, perhaps less depressing than going home tends to be, and I know that is how a lot of people feel about going. But all my friends will be gone. Like, lots of them live near Halifax, but they will be with their families, not on campus, and I will be in res at Dal. Ugh. :( So when I came to that realization, I was quite saddened. At the same time tho, it is a great opportunity to save some money, I just really need to find a job.
So basically, I have been in more of a sombre contemplative mood lately...I think a lot of people have been here. Anyways, I'm gonna go...
Peace :)
Edna
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Your thoughts and reflections here do sounds deep, but I know what youre feeling, in a way. I say in a way because I've never been in the same exact situation, and lived such awesome adventures before getting to where youre at now. I just think it is normal first to still refer Courtenay as home, since you lived there for what....17 years? Or at least around there.. (lets put Surrey aside...was that the name of the city you first lived in?) Anyways, its enough to still have the habit to mention it as home :)And being attached to people isnt always bad, it makes you appreciate where you are at the very moment :). And then you can always try to bring them with you, or at least one of 'em .... ;)! I never asked, but is Aidan a drifter also? Could you picture him traveling with you? But for the rest, like you always do, dont worry and enjoy the present moment. I actually think youre pretty good at it already :) ! And having attachment to some place is good for those moments you feel like "going back" and be with people you know and like. I just hope youll sort it out, or youll just live it as it comes, and wont worry too much for the moment. And that I somehow made you smile with this comment :). I miss you !
ReplyDeleteRobi XxxxX